I’m Going To Die In This Kinkos

I’m going to die in this Kinkos. **Scrawled on a misprint.** This is how I go.  Now with a bang, but a printer. Seventy postcards.  That’s all I need.  Only thirty-five prints.  It should have taken merely a few minutes.  The printer thinks otherwise.  The printer has decided to jam inexplicably, incessantly, with each glossy […]

The Inherent Symbolism of the Dachshund

Last Monday, my friend Sarah was telling me about a new guy she was dating.  When she finished, she asked, “So what about you?  Are you seeing anybody?” I’m usually pretty good for a wacky story or two, but after about a month of, um, let’s say memorable dating catastrophes, my succinct reply was, “No.  […]

Sizing Her Up

I wrote this blog thinking it was going to be about accepting my physical body as it is, but it took an unexpected turn. When you have lost weight, you’re never quite sure what you look like.  For me, most of the time when I look in the mirror, I see myself exactly as I […]

My Lifestyle Choice is Flip Flops

A couple of months ago, I went for an evening walk on my beach, something I do a few times per week.  Many of the public beach access points in Myrtle Beach have lovely decks built over the dunes, and I left my flip flops on one of the deck’s benches, also something I had […]

Let’s Go On A Rampage!

I want to Hulk out on my phone. I am talking about my work phone, not my cell phone.  Though to be honest, if the world’s greatest skeet shooter wanted to take my cell skeet shooting and use it as a clay pigeon, I likely wouldn’t have any objections.  Awwww, skeet skeet, motherfuckin’ phone! That […]

Spiders Are Fuzzy, Why Aren’t They Cute?

I don’t like spiders.  I don’t want a bunch of comments about how spiders kill bugs and are mostly harmless and blah blah blah.  I don’t care.  Spiders are creepy, when you unsuspectingly walk into their webs, you feel like the silk is in your hair for a week, and when you see one but […]

Date Night (The Freaks Come Out On)

You know what’s bullshit?  People who are married or in a cohabitation situation asking you to watch their kids so they can go out on a “Date Night.”  Sure, I will watch your kids because I love them, I kind of like you, I want your relationship to be successful, and not to brag, but […]