To the Beachside Burglar

Dear Purse Snatcher- Are you having a good day? My guess is probably not because you’re the type of person who steals purses, so every day is undoubtedly a nightmare the likes of which I can never comprehend. That’s a real bummer, I’m genuinely sorry your life has led to this. Look, I know better […]

The Substance of Things Hoped For

A little vignette that perfectly sums up how the world views a Royals fan: Over the winter, I switched from Time Warner Cable to DirecTV, partly because I was fed up with TWC, but mostly because I wanted to get the NFL Sunday Ticket. I was tired of watching the Chiefs in smoky bars (yep, […]

Fuck This Shit

Fuck this shit. Seriously. Fuck all this shit. -Nicole Angeleen Related posts: I’m Going To Die In This Kinkos You Had to be a Big Shot, Didn’t Ya? Let’s Go On A Rampage! My Lifestyle Choice is Flip Flops

To The Toe Crunching Chowderhead

Dear Woman in Wedges, Wedge heels are ugly. The thin wedges I can tolerate, if tolerate them I must. However, the huge, chunky wedges–hearkening memories of the Pilgrim style square heels of the late nineties, abominations that they were­–are ghastly. I know you think they go with everything. They don’t. I know 99% of the […]

I’m Going To Die In This Kinkos

I’m going to die in this Kinkos. **Scrawled on a misprint.** This is how I go.  Now with a bang, but a printer. Seventy postcards.  That’s all I need.  Only thirty-five prints.  It should have taken merely a few minutes.  The printer thinks otherwise.  The printer has decided to jam inexplicably, incessantly, with each glossy […]

The Inherent Symbolism of the Dachshund

Last Monday, my friend Sarah was telling me about a new guy she was dating.  When she finished, she asked, “So what about you?  Are you seeing anybody?” I’m usually pretty good for a wacky story or two, but after about a month of, um, let’s say memorable dating catastrophes, my succinct reply was, “No.  […]

Sizing Her Up

I wrote this blog thinking it was going to be about accepting my physical body as it is, but it took an unexpected turn. When you have lost weight, you’re never quite sure what you look like.  For me, most of the time when I look in the mirror, I see myself exactly as I […]