How Thunder Is Funder
Posted in Guest Blog, Uncategorized on February 27, 2013
That’s right. This dude knows what’s up.
F-kin thunder snow, that’s what.
By Ellen Edmands
Never in my life had I known there was something called thunder snow. I mean, snow is so quiet, so delicate, so virginal and thunder just violates that entirely. In other words, shit must be pretty bad if it’s blizzard-ing and thundering. Makes you kind of wonder what, exactly, have we done to piss off the almighty above?
The Almighty Thor that is. And he’s got a friend named “Devil goat” assaulting that guy in the bottom corner who has nothing but a pair of Levi’s jeans to protect himself.
I think about thunder all the time, and I have discovered a conspiracy of awesome — and I’m talking old school Oxford English Dictionary definition of awesome, if you know what I mean. Well, partly anyway. It all boils down to this:
“thunder” + anything = better.
They may not be the best in the league, but Mr. Durant is as happy as a school girl to wear the thunder on his back.
Photo/AP
It’s a bold claim to say that thunder will make your life better, but Kevin Durant looks pretty happy in the photo above, so there has to be some element of fun in thunder. Dare I say, funder?
Here are some examples of how adding thunder adds the funder:
Before thunder: Just an bunch of kitties
 Armful of kittens |
 |
After: Boom! Hypermasculine, Giant-Sword-Sexified Cartoon Time
Thunder, thunder, Thundercats, HO-O!
Before Thunder – Just two guys in their Nikes doing guy stuff:
 Where’s the thunder? |
|
After: Boom! Easy riding Australian mate
Winner!
Before: Giant Cement and Steel Engineering Wunderkind Hubcap
 The Astrodome’s got no love for thunder. |
|
After: Boom! It’s Tina We-Don’t-Need-Another-Hero Turner and the Thunderdome
Thunderdome don’t need no waterproofing. Thunderdome don’t give a shit.
(By the way, what’s with Australia and its love of thunder? Did they beat me to it?)
Before: Meek little head-cocked birdie
 Mild-mannered bird is looking at you. |
|
After: Boom! Mythical Thunderbird epic status
I like that the submitter of this photo’s name is Ernest Todd?
Before: Your kid won’t wear underwear to school
 Not my kid, but I’ve been here before. |
|
After: Boom! Call them “Thunderwear” and underwear becomes worthy, honorable
Thunderwear on. Transformation complete.
I’m putting out the call for your favorite funder
I’m sending out the signal.
Not to run the risk of overkill, I left out my examples of Thunderween and Thunder Christ, but I’m still looking for more examples. Show me your funder. Send me a Tweet @Matkacita using the hashtag #funder, and tell me your suggestions, or tell me why I’m completely wrong.
Latest posts by Ellen Edmands (see all)
- How Thunder Is Funder - February 27, 2013
- We Are Young, Tonight, So I Set this Slip ‘N Slide on Fire - July 9, 2012
- Best Writer In the Universe: Nicole Angeleen - February 11, 2012
Holy cow, have you ever been more right? Other than your idea that randomly screaming makes driving more exciting, no, you have not. Being from Kansas, I have experienced Thundersnow firsthand on several occasions (it happened twice in the last week back home, or so I’ve heard), and it is WAY cooler than regular old snow. I would like to introduce “Thunderball,” a form of soccer with earth-shaking obstacles to make The Beautiful Game less, well, mind-numbingly boring.
Yes! And the teams would be required to ride the Thunderbus and roll in to play. Oh crap. I think I just jumped the shark.
Yeah…the THUNDERSHARK! Whaaaaa…