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To the Parents of the Screaming Toddler

To the Parents of the Screaming Toddler

Your kid is annoying. Recently I was on an airplane populated by four screaming toddlers within five rows of me. They were annoying. All of them. Your screaming kid is not an exception. I turned to Chris, who was in the seat behind me, and said, “It’s like everyone in Cleveland decided a flight smack dab in the middle of bedtime.” Which was true. The flight was from 6:40 pm-8:20 ...[Read More]

The YA Curve

The YA Curve

When I wrote a young adult (heretofore referred to as YA) novel, I was as surprised as anyone. I actually wrote Little Girls Dream Big nine years ago, and it took six years to find a home with a publisher. One of the reasons it took so long was because I, as a card-carrying adult, didn’t read YA. My protagonists were teenagers, but I was a snob, and I thought what I had written was an adult ...[Read More]

Lessons From The Journey

Lessons From The Journey

Learning the publishing business the hard way. By Christina Hoag I often wonder if I’d known all I know now about the publishing business, would I still have flung myself headlong into writing novels? The answer is probably yes. Writing novels has been my dream since I was a small girl. Still, I wish I’d known a few practicalities beforehand. A key one is how much more I could have done to build m ...[Read More]

Old Fussy Pants

Old Fussy Pants

About a month ago, I was talking to my next-door neighbor, Delores. She hangs out with our cat to keep her company when we go out of town. She’s a great neighbor. We were discussing which of our other neighbors we’ve met. I told her about Scott the Retired Plumber, whom you’ve all met here before; we are both friendly with the Jehovah’s witnesses across the street and their awesome dog Harley; she ...[Read More]

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Shut Your Trap

Easy, Breezy, Beautiful, Shut Your Trap

We have to stop calling women who don’t wear makeup “brave.” Because it’s an insult. To be seen out in public as we are is not courageous, and really screw anyone who says it is. A child fighting cancer is brave. A woman pushing an eight-pound cannonball out of her vagina and committing the next 18 to 47 years of her life to raising a human is brave. A firefighter busting through a window and char ...[Read More]

Chupacabra

Chupacabra

When I was a kid, I was obsessed with a few specific unsolved crimes. I don’t know why or honestly how I learned about such things since the majority of my childhood was pre-Internet. Maybe it was the constant Unsolved Mysteries viewings. I was particularly fascinated by the Keddie Cabin Murders. In April 1981, five months before I was born, a mother, her teenage son, and his friend were beaten to ...[Read More]

The Appliance Chronicles

The Appliance Chronicles

About a month after I moved into my new house, I noticed my garbage disposal was leaking. A few weeks after that, I bought a new garbage disposal to install. Just ten short months later, this past Monday, I finally decided, “Today is the day, Nicole. Today is the day you install your brand new garbage disposal after contemplating its existential nature for 280 days.” It was the perfect day for suc ...[Read More]